Avoiding Burnout as a Caregiver

Caring for a loved one who is experiencing difficulties performing their regular daily tasks can be a stressful situation for anyone.  Whether it’s caring for an aging parent or an adult child with a disability, being a caregiver is never easy, but we do what we can to help those we love, often sacrificing our own physical and mental health in the process.  In order to avoid caregiver burnout be sure to consider your own care in addition to that of your loved one!

Many caregivers find negative emotions popping up while caring for their loved one.  Often we try to bottle up these feelings because it causes us shame to think negatively about caring for a loved one.  But remember:  Your feelings are valid and completely normal!  If you don’t address them these feelings can materialize in a number of unhealthy ways, from poor eating and sleeping habits, physical illness, substance abuse, depression, and ultimately caregiver burnout!  When negative emotions arise, consider the following questions:

1. What is your usual emotional state?  If you are typically a happy, positive person but are finding yourself being more negative or cynical, maybe your role as a caregiver is having a negative impact on your feelings.  Are you avoiding things you enjoy doing?  Putting off spending time with friends?  Be sure to make time for yourself in order to maintain a happy and healthy mindset while providing care to your loved one.
2. Do negative emotions pop up at specific times?  Maybe a specific action or behavior is triggering your negative emotions.  If your aging parent is suffering from dementia and their dementia-related behavior is triggering your negative emotions be sure to remind yourself that this is still the same person you love, and that they have no control over these triggering behaviors caused by their dementia.
3. How well do you control your emotions?  It’s typical for caregivers to hide their negative emotions from the person they are caring for.  When a loved one in the advanced stages of conditions like Alzheimer’s Disease or dementia no longer remembers you, it can be heartbreaking.  Don’t be afraid to share your emotions with another loved one or if necessary a professional counselor or psychologist.  Your emotions are valid and if you hide and ignore them they are likely to manifest in unhealthy ways.

What are some healthy coping strategies to deal with negative emotions?  Consider which emotions you are having difficulties with and try to identify healthy strategies for dealing with these emotions. 

• Are you feeling anger or frustration?  These are some of the most common emotions that arise from being a caregiver, and if you’re not careful they can cause you to lash out at the person you love.  Learn to recognize when these feelings begin to occur, and when they do give yourself a chance to calm down.  Take a few deep breaths, write down your feelings in a journal, or put on some music you enjoy.  Also be sure to have a trusted confidant who you can share with and who will validate your feelings so that you aren’t dealing with these negative emotions on your own.
• Are you feeling boredom or resentment?  Nobody wants to feel stuck in a situation, especially one that limits your ability to do the things you enjoy.  No matter how many fun activities you plan with your loved one, it’s natural to want the flexibility to do what you want to do without having to worry about caring for your loved one.  Don’t try to do it all on your own!  Ask another family member or friend to take over the care of your loved one for a time so that you can take time for yourself.  Or if you don’t have anyone else to help, consider reaching out to a professional homecare agency like Caregiver’s Home Solutions for Respite Care Services to give you some time to do what you need to do to keep yourself healthy both physically and mentally.
• Are you feeling irritable or impatient?  It might take your loved one a long time to accomplish even the most basic tasks, or they may refuse to cooperate with getting dressed or other tasks in the timeframe you’ve established in order to make an appointment or scheduled outing.  If these scenarios make you irritable or impatient, consider reevaluating your schedule or organization.  If you have trouble making morning appointments and this causes you stress, consider scheduling later appointments so you have more time to get ready.  Also, start factoring in time between activities to enable your loved one to go at their own pace without the stress of trying to make a scheduled appointment or other commitment.  Most importantly be sure to share your frustration or impatience with a trusted confidant.
• Are you feeling embarrassment or guilt?  A person with advanced Alzheimer’s or dementia may not act, speak, dress or even smell in line with social norms.  They may scream obscenities, speak without a filter, refuse to shower or change their cloths for days or any number of other upsetting behaviors.  Feeling uncomfortable or embarrassed around others is an understandable reaction which may then lead to you feeling guilty.  Consider making small business card sized notes that you can hand to people that explains “My loved one has dementia and is unable to manage their behaviors.”  You can discreetly hand them out to anyone who seems shocked by their behaviors and this should help reduce your feelings of guilt or embarrassment.

The best way to deal with difficult emotions that arise while providing care to a loved one is to not do it alone!  Share the burden of care with a reliable, trusted provider of homecare services such as Caregiver’s Home Solutions!  Our caregivers are fully trained and experienced at dealing with individuals with Alzheimer’s or advanced dementia and can partner with you to ensure you find a healthy balance between caregiving and caring for yourself!  Call Caregiver’s Home Solutions at 203-870-9850 or email [email protected] to learn more!